Apr 19, 2018

Being Called Out

4 comments

I’m hoping that Juliette will be able to present one of her wonderful videos on this subject, but wondered if any of you girls out there had a view on the following.

 

Like Juliette I keep my male self separate from Stella, not that I’m not confident in who I am but more from the point of view that I know a number of my friends and family simply could not / will not be able to understand why I crossdress. As with most of us in the trans community we are arguably more caring about those who are close, and with me it is further complicated that some rely on me to be the strong supportive male role model, and as such I really do not want to hurt those who are close. Hence why I choose to keep my male self and Stella separate.

 

Now I should explain, this is the first upcoming summer where the signs of Stella are more obvious. While I’m totally confident to explain to a stranger who I am, I really cannot see things working out well with those who are close. Fully appreciate the ethos of “hope for the best but plan for the worst”, however I really don’t know how I’d react should someone who is close to me calls me out.

 

I’m naturally a rather extrovert person which I think cuts me some slack and gives me the opportunity to express myself and perhaps avoids people joining up the dots. However, I wouldn’t be comfortable lying about who I am but equally I wouldn’t want to cause hurt, distress and confusion among those I care for and rely on me.

 

I’m sure you girls have been in similar situations and I’d really appreciate your thoughts and advice, and perhaps your input may provide further substance and dimension to Juliette’s video should she have the time to cover the topic.

 

On the positive side, with today being a wonderfully sunny and warm day in old London town, my now rather less hairy arms broke cover from the shade of shirtsleeves and not one of my work colleagues said a thing or gave me a second look.

 

Lots of love

Apr 20, 2018

Hi Stella, thanks for the topic, I'll certainly take that up in a video. To give you a hint of the kind of things I have to deal with...

 

I spent a large portion of the afternoon in trunks fetching weeds out of my pond and pressure washing the deck. The pond is about 100 square meters and waist deep so it takes a while... In trunks I know I look distinctive and obviously hairless. Unfortunately, today happened to be a day when my neighbour stopped by and we had an unexpected visit from friends. What can you do? They saw what I look like and I guess they are free to think what they would like.

 

We are who we are, I'm a firm believer in telling the truth if asked but I feel no obligation to explain myself. It takes a long while to gain confidence but it helps if you don't feel guilty inside about what you are.

Apr 20, 2018

Many thanks and yes concur. Don't feel guilty at all and agree others may think what they want, they need to have the confidence to ask a frank question hopefully without preconception. Perhaps its down to us to raise our profile and as much as I hate to use the term, normalise matters, and make the conversations easier.

 

Enough of the deep stuff, including ponds, will post something a little lighter.

 

Have fun

Apr 28, 2018

Hi Stella, the video is online on YouTube now. I'll add something into the blog section for more details later. Hope it's OK and let me know if there are any follow ups xx

 

Apr 28, 2018

Hi Juliette, thank you ever so much. Have just watched the video and think you have covered the subject really well. Your presentation style and composition is excellent, we as a community could do far worse than have people like you in the main stream media.

Will be interesting to see the comments on Youtube (sorry I don't subscribe therefore posting my feedback here).

You raise some very interesting points and perspectives, concur that we need to be prepared and realise that who we are and how we present will inevitably promote a line of questioning at some stage in our lives. Completely agreed no point in being untruthful or denying, particularly if it is someone close to you, as by them asking the sometimes blunt question does rather suggest that they are already preparing themselves for a truthful response.

Keep up the good work.

Lots of love, Stella

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