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  • Writer's pictureJuliette Noir

How did your wife react?

A dive into the thorny issue of reactions, honesty and guilt.

Talking about family can be a bit of a gut-tightening experience. I tend to bottle up my fears about how my family will react to Juliette.

How do you tell someone about crossdressing?

I've always been an advocate of the old saying 'hope for the best, plan for the worst'. As great as this is, I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for the sheer depth of hurt that you can cause when you reveal yourself (or are revealed) as a crossdresser. Finding a way to navigate through that pain and sense of betrayal can be an incredibly difficult challenge when (as in my case) the very exposure of the truth feels so cathartic and almost liberating.

Empathy vs. Pride

I'm at the stage in my life when I've ceased being embarrassed about my crossdressing and I'm ready to tell everyone. The only reason I don't is because I compromise with my family and I respect their concerns about how others might view me. How does one walk a line between pride and confidence in your own identity and yet recognise that those nearest and dearest to you don't share your perspective? The answer for me is to walk a mile in her shoes (if only they fit me in real life...). I try to imagine the lack of certainty that my wife experiences every time I leave the house as Juliette. However confident and assured I am in my identity, I need to remember that this is a mindset that I've evolved over decades and my family has had far less time to assimilate and address this.

Spring cleaning

One of my biggest revelations is how easily a relationship can drift back into familiar patterns. Complacency slips quietly through the door and a calm settles over daily life, only to be hurled into anarchy by a misplaced comment or an over-plucked brow. As a personal observation I would say that we have done what is least comfortable on a daily basis and ensured that Juliette is an acknowledged presence in our life. I think of this as similar to taking out the rugs, curtains and carpets for a good, old-fashioned beating. There has been no better substitute for a regular airing of our feelings, concerns, plans and suspicions. We've dealt with the same subjects time and time again but I can sincerely say that each time it's a little easier and a little quicker.

Back to reality...

All that being said, we live life on what feels like a narrow path from each day, week or month to the next. My story is by no means finished and while I have high hopes for the years ahead, I do not know where this will take us eventually. I hope you enjoy the video and I look forward to hearing from you on YouTube.

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3 comentarii

02 feb. 2020

I never would have guessed that you are married. You would be a very beautiful Transgender woman. I was married for 27 years and raised 3 children. To be honest, my former wife did know that l had a fetish for women's clothes and shoes, but I never carried my fascination for them to the extreme for fear of embarrassment. I've always loved women, but in my mind, I felt like I should have been a female because I grew up with 3 older sisters. I also grew up in the 70's, and as a boy, I had an attraction to girls wearing boots. I really cannot explain why. Now I've been divorced for 2 years, and…


Bo Burgess
Bo Burgess
20 apr. 2018

Whew, what a hurdle. You did mention that each of you had a differing view of the future. One thing that has been taught to me is that you can't solve someone else's problem from your perspective. The hard part of that is if one partner is unwilling to make light of their views. It goes beyond, as you mentioned, a "this is me and you are you" dynamic. That holds true for the individual, but in a marriage, those things play large in the realm of that union, and it's within that union that things must be reconciled lest the relationship becomes wounded.

I've caused my wife to be hurt within our marriage, and though healing has occurred we…


20 feb. 2018

Hi Juliette,

I just watched this video on your relationship with your wife and it was amazing. It's parallelling so much of where we are, and where our relationship might go. I'd say I'm still in that hard phase of figuring things out with her, the hanging on that you referenced, but we're both hopeful that we'll figure out something new for what our future will look like. It means so much to see you talk about our story and share your thoughts and I really appreciate you talking so candidly about your journey. I took a lot away from it and it gives me hope that we will get there. Though I don't think I'll ever look as cute…

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