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  • Writer's pictureJuliette Noir

How did your wife react?

A dive into the thorny issue of reactions, honesty and guilt.

Talking about family can be a bit of a gut-tightening experience. I tend to bottle up my fears about how my family will react to Juliette.

How do you tell someone about crossdressing?

I've always been an advocate of the old saying 'hope for the best, plan for the worst'. As great as this is, I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for the sheer depth of hurt that you can cause when you reveal yourself (or are revealed) as a crossdresser. Finding a way to navigate through that pain and sense of betrayal can be an incredibly difficult challenge when (as in my case) the very exposure of the truth feels so cathartic and almost liberating.

Empathy vs. Pride

I'm at the stage in my life when I've ceased being embarrassed about my crossdressing and I'm ready to tell everyone. The only reason I don't is because I compromise with my family and I respect their concerns about how others might view me. How does one walk a line between pride and confidence in your own identity and yet recognise that those nearest and dearest to you don't share your perspective? The answer for me is to walk a mile in her shoes (if only they fit me in real life...). I try to imagine the lack of certainty that my wife experiences every time I leave the house as Juliette. However confident and assured I am in my identity, I need to remember that this is a mindset that I've evolved over decades and my family has had far less time to assimilate and address this.

Spring cleaning

One of my biggest revelations is how easily a relationship can drift back into familiar patterns. Complacency slips quietly through the door and a calm settles over daily life, only to be hurled into anarchy by a misplaced comment or an over-plucked brow. As a personal observation I would say that we have done what is least comfortable on a daily basis and ensured that Juliette is an acknowledged presence in our life. I think of this as similar to taking out the rugs, curtains and carpets for a good, old-fashioned beating. There has been no better substitute for a regular airing of our feelings, concerns, plans and suspicions. We've dealt with the same subjects time and time again but I can sincerely say that each time it's a little easier and a little quicker.

Back to reality...

All that being said, we live life on what feels like a narrow path from each day, week or month to the next. My story is by no means finished and while I have high hopes for the years ahead, I do not know where this will take us eventually. I hope you enjoy the video and I look forward to hearing from you on YouTube.

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